Thursday, July 22, 2010

never going to walmart again. promise renewal #52.

So, I've decided that I've spent TOO many a blog post writing about all the woes of Walmart. In this store, I seem to be more anxious, more frustrated, and more impatient than my normal self.

I've renewed the vow to never go back to that store probably 51 times. This is my 52nd time (give or take).

1st mistake: Going shopping at 6:00 p.m. This is when all of San Antonio, it seems, decides to shop. The mentality is "Once work is over, let's pop into the local Walmart and buy a few essentials for our life." Not just groceries. Why not grab things like rubbermaid bins, a paper towel holder, and a new t-shirt for the little one (some of these might have been on our list).

2nd mistake: Letting Matilda come. :) Just kidding. That sounds rude, but honestly, she is 2. She is a product of her age. At this tender time in her little life, she wants EVERYthing... And now! Normally, she is pretty sweet and obedient... but as soon as we enter those automatic doors open---the reality we once knew goes out the window.

Suddenly, every balloon she sees she says, "I want it, mama. A balloooooon. I want it." Or when Aaron lets her OUT of the cart (much to my chagrin) she just starts RUNNING. FULL. SPEED. On more than one occasion, I've been blown away at her ability to stop her self and avoid collisions with the other shoppers. I thought she was literally going to run smack dab into the milk window/door thing yesterday. But she stopped in the nick of time. Amazing.

When does she decide to stop, you ask? Oh, only when she sees a packet of gravy mix, or a big jug of juice with an easy pick-up-handle. Quickly, she decides it's ours and literally CHUCKS it into the cart, and then continues on her mad dash. It's kind of funny, but then not when it's YOUR kid. You know? We were able to return most of the items she threw in, but one escaped us. Yoplait LIGHT Key Lime Pie yogurt. Nice purchase, Tillie.

Mistake #3: Carrying a unique sized Deep Freezer light bulb in your hand to find a replacement. Aaron is usually no Mr. Butterfinger, but apparently, it got away from him and shattered. Clean up on aisle 11. While I sat there to make sure no toddler slipped on it (go figure), he remembered stores like these typically have cleaning stations located through out. He found a broom and dustbin and went to work.

Mistake #4: Deciding to get a thing of Baby Magic body wash in BULK. When I put it in our cart under Calvin's car seat, I thought, "Surely, Tillie won't want to play with it if it's tucked under Cal." Oh, yes she did.
I had gone to help Aaron choose a new garbage can for our kitchen (one significantly LARGER. yes, we go through 10 gallons worth of garbage often, apparently. So we had to upgrade. Is Walmart responsible for the demise of the world or are WE with our garbage habits? hmm... interesting. (awkward pause.) We do recycle though. That's something). Anyway, I turned away for approximately 45 seconds. Next thing I notice is a sticky something dripping all down the cart onto the floor. What? Oh, yes, I remember. The Baby Magic body wash. Thank you, Tillie, for unscrewing the lid and dumping out half the bottle.

Aaron, who is always quick on his feet, remembered he had just found the cleaning station. He ran and grabbed paper towels and went to work on the half spilled bottled of wash all over aisle 11 (yes, same aisle as the glass incident).

Mistake #5: Purchasing those little Rice Puff things for Calvin. We tried, successfully, on Sunday to feed him a few of them. We decided it was best to break them up into 3 parts and then he could handle them. He loves them. Well, as he started crying (which is a rare occurrence for him), I decided to give the puffs a try.
Mother of the year moment ahead.
I thought, "I bet he can handle the puff in TWO parts, instead of three. Let's give it a shot." Not so much. He's gagging laying reclined in his car seat, I'm freaking out to Aaron saying, "I need you now! He's choking!" (i'm no good under pressure, obviously). He runs to our rescue, and helps tip Cal's car seat forward (he's buckled in) and little Cal throws up all over the floor.
Poor baby. Dumb mom. Big mess. Great husband.
Guess who went back to that same clean up station? Yes, that would be Aaron aka my knight in shining armor.

Moral of the story is this:
Walmart is going to take over the world. Yet, knowingly, we all still shop there.
Walmart trips ALWAYS take longer than you anticipate.
Expect the unexpected.
Leave your kids at home and your awesome parenting skills there too.
And, if you can, marry someone like Aaron, who knows how to clean up a lot of messes.

Oh, and you can look at life is like a bottle of Baby Magic body wash.
Half empty or Half Full.


annie and jared said...

oh melissa.. i too have vowed over and over again that i will not go to walmart. I have stuck to it pretty well, i really do despise that place. this post was great. by the way.. your little munchkins are about the cutest things ever.. could matilda look any more identical to you?? i think not. i think not.

Lisa C said...


I am a bit of a "lurker" on your blog -- don't comment much, but this entry was a CLASSIC!! I am laughing so hard I'm crying. I have had so many of these moments (minus the broken specialty lightbulb -- that one is unique) and have vowed so many times never to darken Walmart's doorstep again. My kids are a little older now, so when they're really bad (as they were in our local Target last week) I simply pretended not to know them . . .

a pair of pettijohns said...

girlfriend. you're a gem. thanks for the laughs! i think it's so funny because we've all been there. how is it that wal-mart brings out the very WORST in us all?

don't worry cal, wal-mart makes me gag and want to vom too.

Russ and Nat said...

Oh my gosh - thank you to Aaron (actually to all of you for that matter) - I can just see it I don't know if that story could get any better and I fully intend to share it with as many people as I can because it is so freaking funny.

Kirstin - Klinton - Max - Krieg Starr said...

I love the wal-mart by my house :)

Becker said...

I adore this post. Thank you for telling it. It gives every mom everywhere a little hope that if Melissa and Aaron can have a shopping trip like this, then it can happen to anyone. Oh, sister.

The girl said...

Oh Melissa, you make me laugh. I kind of wish I was there to watch it all go down. ha. Maybe you should use your Walch Bucks next time you need to run to Walmart. :)

I hope you had a great birthday!

Melissa said...

Love it!

Every time we go to WalMart, Chris let's penelope walk & "push" the cart. And then half of our brains wander out the front of the store & we forget to get everything we needed because we're both trying to wrangle Penelope & keep her away from the homeless folks & the rednecks.

Now there's a Target going up just down the street from the Walmart. Another store that is trouble for our family, too. Blerg.


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